if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
