Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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