Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
