shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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