No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize