I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How's work?
Spinning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
