You smell like a Billy Joel song
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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