I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
