In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
