i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
