Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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