that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
