I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize