I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
