Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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