I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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