He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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