So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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