This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
