i used baking grease as lip gloss
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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