I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
