no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
