2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently you make a good broom.
My cat gives me a boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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