u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
