Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize