he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
