Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She bit a glass in half.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
