thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
