i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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