when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
