A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Houston, we have a blender
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
