Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
