I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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