Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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