Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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