We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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