You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
