I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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