I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
