If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize