I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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