I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
