just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
