oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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