My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
