so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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