The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Still dying that you shit outside
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
