drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Randomize
