i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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