I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
