i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
