So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
