Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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