I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
