AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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