Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
