I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
