i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize