I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My dad just said "fuck circus"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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