alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He passed out mid-signature
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize