help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
