I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
