I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
