the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
