she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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