i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
a search helicopter?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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