So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
