So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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