Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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