bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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