You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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