I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
