I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
