Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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