i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
