I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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