Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just invented taco cereal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
